Tuesday, July 12, 2016

"What can [we] as Black Men do in order for you to feel more supported and loved?"

There is a video circulating with a young black woman taking a stand against marching or protesting for black men due to their lack of support for black women. I was tagged in a post discussing her video on my personal page and asked what I thought about the context of the video. I was also asked a question I've never before now been asked by a black man. I was asked, "What can [we] as Black Men do in order for you to feel more supported and loved?"

As this was a first, it took me a second to gather my thoughts, and, well... here is my answer.

In order for black men to show black women that he supports/loves her, he must: 
1. Stop comparing us to other races and or our mixed-race counterparts. WE ARE WORTHY, and we deserve to be told it and shown it REGULARLY!

2. Stop talking down to us and about us for what you don't understand. BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT BLACK WOMEN.

3. Attempt to understand what we are, who we are, and why we are, rather than ASSuming the answer (by way of what you've heard).

4. Treat us like you'd want a man to treat your grandmother, mother, sister or daughters. THAT ALONE WOULD CHANGE SO MUCH!

5. Step into the role/position that God gave you, and:
     a. BE PRESENT!!!!!!!!

     b. Take responsibility of your seed (use protection) and stop sowing it any and everywhere possible. - STOP LAYING WITH WOMEN YOU CAN'T SEE FOR YOUR LIFE... LONG TERM!

     c. Take accountabilty for your seeds - BE A FATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!! Not a part-time father. Not a half-assed father. Not a payment father. A FATHER. The one A LOT of you NEVER had.

     d. Learn to control, and then channel your emotions rather than disregarding them and or pretending they don't exist.

     e. Learn your strength mentally and emotionally, rather than just physically.

     f. Learn to communicate, then educate us (black women) how to speak your language.

6. PROTECT US. - If you see someone disrespecting us (black, white, blue or gold), abusing us, etc. SPEAK UP FOR US! Speak out for us the same way we do for you all.

7. BE WILLING, READY, AND AVAILABLE TO DO THE WORK. Black women, like black men (hell, black people in general) carry a heavy burden but, instead of bailing on the black man (as A LOT of them have us) we take on the task of loving and protecting you. We need those same efforts back ten times over.

8. BE OKAY WITH WHO YOU ARE AND THE LIFE YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE. So often black men aren't confident in who they are, what they like, their placement in society, etc. And because they are worried about how they will be viewed - especially by each other (will he think I'm weak if I.. ?) - they hardly ever reach their fullest potential. Which in turn causes problems in their relationships with women - especially black women - because we look to you for strength and leadership.

9. Give us the honor of marriage. Black men (not all, most) will fight diligently against what and who they know is right for their life - to feel relevant or like "they still got it," - that they'll leave a relationship before committing to it. THAT'S CRAZY! Like, stop being afraid of change. Realize that the amount of women you CAN have doesn't validate who or what you are like the one woman you choose to have in your corner forever. And if someone challenges that theory, make them prove it.

  .. just to name a few.

Nevertheless, I do believe black women - some, not all - are slowly but surely starting to give up on black men (especially the younger generation) for A LOT of the reasons she named. And, in my opinion, it goes waaaaaaay beyond "marching" or "supporting" black men through protest and or due to the high levels of police brutality they experience. I think black women are getting tired of protecting and supporting black men and then being left out there, alone.  However, again, in my opinion, this will do more harm to bringing us together and or rebuilding our communities than good.
Your thoughts?